I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
