I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize