Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
NoShamevember. You game?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
