Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
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We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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