I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
