the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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