I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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