So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
