youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
