Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
