"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
