Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
