well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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