my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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