I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
