I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
