How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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