you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
