It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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