I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
