On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
