Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
