i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
