listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
