Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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