i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
