she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
