i don't like sucking hair
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
