i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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