I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
