K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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