like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
