She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
