I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
