So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
