It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
