well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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