hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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