Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
