He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize