Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
