How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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