i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
