Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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