So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
