in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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