when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
