You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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