I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize