normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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