I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
