Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
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So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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