i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
