I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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