Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
