it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
