Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
