good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
