What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize