I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law