my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I just went to clothing optional bar
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.