I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
