bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize